The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I haven't updated this blog/journal since the 1st of February so, now that I'm six months out from chemotherapy, it seemed like a good time for an update. I've had just as many ups as downs since my last update, which is what prompted me to steal my title here from that old spaghetti western starring Clint Eastwood.

The Good:

• My physical therapy sessions lasted from January through March, and our main focus was on balance, lower body strength, and mobility. I was a good boy about this, attending nearly every scheduled session (usually twice a week) and being fairly diligent about my homework exercises. It helped a lot. I won't claim to have the balance that I did before cancer but I feel a lot better about all aspects here.
  

• Some time during my PT sessions, I started incorporating some upper body exercise with a Total Gym that we bought just before my diagnosis. It can be easy to let an entire day pass without actually doing any of my TG exercises, but I continue to try to get in at least 2-3 per week. 
  

• My wife and I (and sometimes daughter and I, when she has the time to visit) have taken a number of nature walks/hikes this year, including several during the spring to check out ephemeral wildflowers growing in the area.
  

• I've been able to cautiously participate and/or volunteer for more events with local nature organizations. It's not nearly at the same level as before I got sick, but it feels good to be part of the world again after spending so long stuck at home.

• After two failed attempts (due to weather conditions, mainly) I was finally able to go downstate to visit my daughter for a weekend in early May. She had several day trips planned for us at natural areas down there, and I had enough energy to participate in everything she had planned. 

• This past Tuesday, May 13, my wife and I went on our first bike ride in two years! It was a short one, only a little over 5 miles in total, but we did it and had no adverse effects from it. It sure was nice to get out on our bikes again. We're already starting to plan a 7-mile ride to see how that goes.

Among the Virginia Bluebells display at Deer Run Forest Preserve

Kinnickinnick Creek Nature Preserve with our friend Lisa (and Rocky!)

With my daughter at Henry A. Gleason Nature Preserve

Stopping for lunch at Hononegah Forest Preserve with our friend Rodger.

 

 The Bad:

• At some point this year, I was excited that I was able to hike a mile to a mile and a half on unpaved paths. I tried a 2-mile hike with my wife once, and I could do it, but started dragging about 2/3 of the way. (Literally dragging. My wife says she can see me dragging my feet when my stamina runs out.) The "bad" part about this is that, irrespective of any other exercises that I'm getting, I'm still at that same exhaustion point. My stamina has not improved much at all.

• At my 6-month oncology appointment, my PSA had gone up slightly. It was 0.2 and has gone up to 0.65. My oncologist doesn't feel this is cause for alarm, and said that many PSAs fluctuate. The range considered "normal" is 0-4, and my wife keeps reminding me that 0.65 is still under 1. I can't help but worry that it went back up, though. In purely mathematical terms, it more than tripled. I'm trying to find consolation in what my oncologist and my wife are telling me, but the rise still makes me nervous.

 

The Ugly:

• Toward the end of April, I noticed that my right ankle had swelled up. There was no pain or bruising associated with it, it was just noticeably swollen. After looking for some answers online, we realized that this may have been some form of edema. I was already rather casually monitoring my salt intake because I have (for years now) high blood pressure, but we started scrutinizing that even more carefully. We also bought some compression socks, which helped quite a bit, and I started elevating my foot and leg whenever we were just sitting in the living room together. I haven't gotten rid of it yet, but it's down to "barely noticeable".

• In the evening of May 9 (one week prior to my writing this) I started feeling my heart not beating normally. It wasn't racing or skipping beats because I've had experience with both of those. It's hard to describe, but I kept saying that it felt like my heart was tired, as though it was struggling to beat normally. When it happened again the next evening, I mentioned it to my wife and she decided to keep a record of it happening. Unfortunately, it happened every day since then, and has started earlier in the day each time.

• On Wednesday, May 14 (the day after our bike ride mentioned above) I woke up completely exhausted -- drugged-like exhausted -- and my aforementioned heart issue had started even before I got out of bed. We decided to call my "regular" doctor in hopes that maybe we could make an appointment. He advised us to go to Immediate Care, which we did. We spend four hours there that day, with them subjecting me to bloodwork, chest x-rays, EKG, and a CT scan. None of the results raised any red flags so the parting advice we were given was to make an appointment with a cardiologist.

• That afternoon, we asked my GP for a referral for a cardiologist. He gave us two names. The earliest we can get in with either of them is early September! It's as though the cardiologists feel we just want a casual social visit. By September, this issue will either go away on its own or get so bad that we'll need to go to the Emergency Room because it got much worse. As I type this, my heart is not beating regularly, I don't know what's causing it, and the medical professionals are just shrugging their shoulders.

 

Sorry to end with the ugly. I want to emphasize that I'm very glad to still be alive and I am well aware that I'm doing better now than I was last year at this time. I'm just frustrated, first that my recovery is generally so glacially slow, and second that the edema and heart trouble have presented genuine setbacks. I was taking baby steps on a ramp that was almost horizontal, then somehow fell off the ramp with these new issues in May. 

 

I'd like to think that moving my body and eating better food are helping me, even in light of the setbacks, but I definitely struggle with motivation right now. I've been a very good boy since ending chemo, so why am I now taking several steps backwards? Has moving and eating better helped me? Right now, it doesn't feel like it.