It's Always Something

Before I even started chemotherapy, an oncology nurse advised me to start journaling reactions and side-effects. She was suggesting a different kind of journal than this one. She meant more of a daily thing where I made quick notes of reactions and side-effects so that I can track them, hopefully with the benefit of knowing what's coming and for how long. 

For the most part, this has gone according to plan. It has been good (though admittedly sometimes depressing) to look at "my dailies" and get a pretty good feel for what to expect on certain days. However, it fails me when it comes to the finer details, and mainly because there are always a few new reactions that were either never previously documented or intensified with successive rounds of chemo. 

I'll use this particular (fifth) round as an example. From the day of the infusion (Day 1) through Day 7, things were going pretty much according to the general pattern that had developed. In fact, during those days, I commented to my wife about how it seemed like the side-effects from this round were 5-10% milder than the same days on most previous rounds. It gave me the feeling that I was coming out of the woods, albeit with a long, slow hike out. 

I had recorded that Day 7 of most previous rounds met me with a health "slump". I suddenly felt much worse on that day, and often worse (or so it felt) than any of the days that came before. When I got to Day 7 of this round and still felt that 5-10% better overall, I thought I had dodged a bullet. 

Then came Day 8.

Day 8 of my fifth round of chemo turned out to be the kind of fresh hell that had hit me on most of the previous Day 7s. Extreme weakness, lethargy, a list of torturous nerve issues, thrush, stomach issues, bowel issues, rash issues, even some neuropathy in my fingers for good measure. I haven’t been keeping track of tears in either journal but I had a major breakdown on this day. It just all feels so fucking relentless and torturous. 

The next day turned out to be about the same. Perhaps not quite as intense but still pretty miserable. I'm writing this on Day 10 and I'm finally starting to feel that 5-10% less miserable again. Hopefully, this will continue. I remember that, by Day 13 of the previous round, My wife and I were able to go out and visit some parks. I was still pretty weak and tired quickly, but I could do it. I couldn't even fathom doing something like that yesterday or the day before. It took all my effort just to get to the bathroom!

In general, it has been good to keep track of reactions and side-effects in my other, private daily journal. What just happened, though, is a good reminder that the rounds are not going to be exactly the same and that I can't depend on feeling better just because my daily journal indicated I was feeling better on the same day.